A pipe shaped like a penis is one of the oldest jokes in the smoke shop, and it still lands every time. What people don't always expect is that the good ones work. Someone hands you a dick-shaped pipe as a gag, you take one hit, and you realize it's a solid piece of glass that happens to be hilarious.
We carry three penis-shaped smoking products: a glass hand pipe, a silicone hand pipe, and a full dab rig. We also have a cheap DIY hack that turns a penis party straw into a joint holder. Here's what makes each one worth having and how to pick.
Why penis-shaped smoking gear never goes out of style
These pieces do three jobs at once. They're functional, so they smoke like any other pipe or rig. They're conversation starters, since nobody can look at one and stay quiet. And they make great gifts, funny without being mean and cheap enough that nobody has to overthink it.
That combination makes them staples for bachelorette parties, birthdays, white elephant exchanges, housewarmings, and holiday stockings. They also earn a spot on the shelf of any glass collector who likes their collection a little irreverent.
For flower: the glass pipe
The SeshGear Bi-Color Dick Shaped Glass Pipe is the classic. It's 4.75 inches of borosilicate glass with an ombre bi-color gradient, and the colors vary from piece to piece, so yours is one of a kind. At about $12, it costs less than most novelty gifts and works far better than any of them.
Glass suits you if you like a clean, classic smoking experience. It fits easily in your palm, it's easy to pack and pass, and borosilicate handles regular heat well. It's also the one to grab if you want a pipe you'll use every day, not just when you have company.
For groups and rough handling: the silicone pipe
The Penis Silicone Hand Pipe is 5.25 inches of heat-resistant silicone with a smooth grip and a removable glass bowl insert. It comes as a six-piece set in assorted colors, which works out to roughly $10 a pipe.
Silicone is the low-stress choice. It's built for a bumpy bag, a festival, or a party where things get passed around, dropped, and forgotten on the couch. The glass bowl keeps the smoking experience clean, and because it pops out, cleanup is easier. And since it arrives as a set of six, it's a natural fit for a group gift, a bachelorette weekend, or anyone who wants a pipe for every friend (or every room).
For concentrates: the Danger Noodle dab rig
If you dab, meet the SeshGear Danger Noodle Glass Dab Rig Set. It's 8.25 inches of borosilicate glass shaped like a dick, with a slitted disc percolator that filters your hits into something clean and cool, plus a matching phallus topper that completes the look.
The best part is that it's a complete set for $45.90. You get a 14mm male banger, two terp beads, a vortex-style carb cap, a glass dab tool, and a built-in dab tool holder, so your gear stays organized between sessions. There's no scrambling around the coffee table for the cap. It even comes with a SeshGear hang tag if you like the collector angle.
It's a great pick for a stoner with a sense of humor who still wants a functional piece. It works as a gift, and it works just as well on your own shelf as functional art. At 8.25 inches tall, it fits on most shelves and travels in a standard padded case.
For the DIY crowd: turn a penis straw into a joint holder
Here's a hack that costs about a dollar: take a penis party straw, cut it down, and use it as a joint holder. It keeps your fingers clean, lets you smoke your joint down further, and doubles as a conversation starter that's even funnier than the pipes.
The Super Fun Multicolor Penis Party Straws 8-Pack comes with eight reusable straws for $8.80, so you can cut one or two into holders and keep the rest for drinks.
What you need: a penis party straw, sharp scissors (or a craft knife and a stable surface), a joint to test the fit, and a nail file or fine sandpaper if you want to smooth the cut edge.
How to do it:
- Test the fit first. Hold your joint against the straw to see how it sits. You want a snug fit that grips the joint without crushing it.
- Decide how much to keep. A piece about 2 to 3 inches long works well. You can keep the penis-shaped part as the handle for maximum comedy, or cut it off and use plain tubing.
- Cut straight and slowly. Cut away from your body on a stable surface. A clean, square cut looks better and holds better.
- Smooth the edge. Run a nail file or fine sandpaper over the cut end so it's comfortable on your fingers and lips.
- Adjust the grip. If it's a little loose, cut a short lengthwise slit at one end so the straw flexes and squeezes the joint. If it's too tight, try a different straw from the pack.
A few safety notes: party straws are made for drinks, not heat, so use the holder only on the mouth end of the joint. Never let the burning end touch the plastic, because melted plastic tastes awful and isn't something you want to inhale. Stop smoking the joint when the ember gets close to the holder. Replace the holder when it gets sticky or discolored. They're cheap, and you have seven more.
Which one should you get?
If you smoke flower and want the classic, pocketable, one-of-a-kind piece, go glass. If you want something durable that can take a beating, or you're buying for a crowd, go silicone. If you dab, the Danger Noodle is the one, and it's a full setup, not just a gag. And if you like a project (or you're already stocking up on party supplies), grab a pack of straws and make your own holders. Plenty of people end up with more than one.
Keep it clean
A novelty piece needs the same care as any other. Clean pipes and rigs regularly with isopropyl alcohol and a little coarse salt, and rinse well before you use them again. Handle glass gently, and don't run hot glass under cold water, since sudden temperature changes can crack it. With the dab rig, let the banger cool before you touch it, and be careful with your torch. For the silicone pipe, pop out the glass bowl and clean the two pieces separately.
A quick note
These products are for adults 21+ and are intended for tobacco or legal herbal use. Check your local laws before you use them.
The bottom line
A penis-shaped piece is a gift that gets a laugh and a piece you'll use. Grab the glass pipe for yourself, the silicone six-pack for the whole crew, the Danger Noodle dab rig for the dabber in your life, or a pack of straws to make your own, and enjoy the shameless fun